When you check your WordPress comments after 5 years and realise you could have been on NPR
Yeah apparently that’s a thing. I think I was trying to detox SO much from social media and ish that…uh…I forgot that I had this thing here and people may be responding to it. Or reaching out on it. (Before I forget, I apologise to anyone who has tried to reach out over the years and I have not responded- it’s not you, it’s me). Mainly because, like I said in the About section, the purpose of this blog is to substitute for the therapist that I’m too cheap to get. So really it’s because it’s either this or me talking to myself in a cafe or my bathroom and everyone thinking I have an imaginary friend that I didn’t grow out of (I’m not saying I DON’T have imaginary friends, I’m just saying that I probably wouldn’t want society to know these things is all). For the record, society, I DO NOT (publicly) TALK TO IMAGINARY FRIENDS (or enemies). Holy shit imagine if we had imaginary enemies?! Oh wait, that’s called my own thoughts. RIGHT.
But anyway, turns out I could have been on NPR had I checked my comments 5 years ago. Le sigh. When I was bright and shiney and people thought I was awesome. I could have had another media piece people could see when they Google my name. It’s weird when you go back and look at what people had to say about you, or wanted from you or anything of the such. Age is a strange thing. As time goes on you see things from different perspectives I think. It’s kind of like this movie that plays in your head, and then with new information you think of alternate endings. Except every alternate ending I think of nowadays actually kinda sucks. Lets say that I was still on the same path, I don’t think I’d be where I am today. Yeah I know I know, where are you today Anu? In NOWHERESVILLE. That’s true if you just look at it from the external perspective (which is what I used to do). But now I know that’s actually not the most important thing to look at. It’s more how you feel inside. How mentally ready are you, how satisfied are you, how curious are you. I know it may be a weird thing to say, but I feel like life is priming me for something. Obviously, what exactly that is, is TBD. But I’ve had this feeling before. About a decade ago right when all of the NextDrop thing started.
I was talking to a good friend (also entrepreneur who was waaay more successful than I ever was) who also had to leave his company in ways he did not want (but lets be real nobody REALLY wants to leave what they were doing in that moment which is probably why everyone has to leave forcibly in some way). Anyway, he’s onto his next thing and he is incredibly happy. Much happier than the first time around. And he told me he felt that life was priming him for this thing he is doing right now.
I kinda feel him on that. I’m not saying that I know what life has in store, but what I AM saying is that the way I was running my life the first time around was really…amateur hour. And not really in line with my goals and values that I believe are core to me. I don’t think I knew how to be true to myself and also run my own business at the time. I was too scared. I listened too much to other people. Let me rephrase that. I listened too much to other people when really I should have been listening to myself more. There’s a time and place to listen to other people, and a time and place to listen to yourself. I think the trick in life is knowing the difference between those two situations. I’m getting better at that.
Anyway, there was no real point to this blog post except the weirdness you feel when you look back at your life. And the comments/suggestions/requests people have had over the past 5 years.
The end.
